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Fic: Feeling Numb - Veronica Mars Secret Santa
titti
veronicamarsss
titti
Fic: Feeling Numb
Title: Feeling Numb
Pairing: Logan/Weevil
Rating: NC-17
Webpage: http://www.tittisrealm.com/fantasy/
Disclaimer: Veronica Mars and its characters belong to Silver Picture, Warner Brothers, and UPN.
Summary: When tragedy strikes, Weevil is there for Logan
Sequel to: Welcome to my Life
Spoilers: This is based on spoilers posted on Neptuneside for episode 113.
Note: Written for kelex at the veronicamarsss challenge, because everyone should have a fic for Christmas.


Weevil entered the journalism classroom with caution. He looked around, eyeing everyone, memorizing who was there, and where they were. Years of distrust toward the 09ers made it instinctual even though he knew that there was no danger.

"Hey, there," Veronica greeted him, before turning to her desk. She rummaged through her bag, took out a sheet of paper, and handed it to Weevil. "I owe you one."

Weevil snorted. "You owe me about ten, but that's all right." He looked at the list of parts on the paper. "Not many body shops would have all of them. I'll get you a list. Good enough?"

Veronica grinned. "That's per-"

"Jesus-" Duncan let out a series of curses. A blond girl stood behind him and read what Duncan was reading.

"Oh, my poor Logan," she exclaimed.

Weevil raised an eyebrow toward Veronica.

"Flavor of the week," she explained with a roll of her eyes. Then, she approached Duncan. "What is it? Did his father lose a role or something?"

Duncan raised his eyes and locked them with hers. "They found his mother dead. It's all over the internet."

Weevil cracked his knuckles. Logan would surely point out that he was nervous, but at the moment, he wanted to be on his way to the Echolls house, instead he was stuck in school, unable to show any concern for his lover.

"I gotta go," he told to Veronica, but she wasn't paying attention. He slipped out of the classroom and tried to call Logan, but he only got his voice mail. He closed the connection, and waited until he could see Logan in person.

~*~*~*~

As it happened, Weevil wasn't able to see Logan. There were always people around. First the police with their questions, then it was friends of his father, hanging around, trying to console him, and finally his sister arrived from college, and any chance that Weevil had to find Logan alone disappeared for a while.

He went to the funeral, staying in the back like the rest of the help. His eyes were on Logan, the entire time. Logan who had his sister near, Logan who had Duncan who kept talking to him, Logan who had the blond bimbo constantly touching him, Logan who wouldn't talk, wouldn't look at people, wouldn't react in any way to the world around him.

After the funeral, Weevil went to the Echolls house. He was thankful that he worked there, because security around the house was tighter than at a White House party. He walked through the house, receiving a fair amount of dirty looks. Everyone seemed to have a good time, talking about movies, and parties. It seemed sacrilegious that people would stand around, drinking and laughing, in the house of a woman that had died only two days before.

Weevil knew that Logan would have hated this party and the people in it. Without wasting more time, he slipped out of the main house and crossed the pool area. The door of Logan's room slid open, and Weevil stepped in.

The room was enveloped in darkness, only the lights from the pool cast an eerie game of chiaroscuro. It took a moment for Weevil to adjust to the dark, before he saw Logan sitting on the floor, back against the wall, legs bent, elbows on his knees, and a bottle of Cointreau dangling between his legs.

Quickly, Weevil locked the sliding door, and closed the blinds. Then he walked to the nightstand, and turned on the soft lamp. Finally, he crouched in front of Logan, taking the bottle. Logan gave it up easily, but without looking at him, in another display of blatant apathy. "Hey."

"I have a house filled with people who didn't know or didn't like my mother having the time of their life, my father's ex fucks are all here, trying to see who will snatch him up first, my sister telling me that everything will work out for the best, a psychopathic bitch who thinks she's my girlfriend when the only thing I did was to give her a ride home, and a father who pretends that he gives a shit. Oh yes, to top it all, my fucking boyfriend hasn't shown up for two days." He finally looked at Weevil. "I don't know why, but I think that I'm losing my mind, because there is no way that all of this can be real."

"I was here yesterday, and I was at the funeral. I didn't think that walking up to your father, and letting him know I'm your…boyfriend-" The word sounded foreign on his lips. They were lovers, fuck buddies, but neither of them had acknowledged a relationship until now. "Yeah, well, I didn't think it was the best way to out the two of us."

"You were at the funeral?" asked Logan, a little surprised.

Weevil nodded.

"I didn't see you there." The apathy was back in Logan's voice, and Weevil hated it.

"I know. There were people around." There was no need to say more. They both understood their need to keep this secret.

Weevil stood up, pulling on Logan's arms, until his lover got up with him. Logan simply stood there, eyes closed, head thrown back, pressing against the wall. Silently, Weevil unbuttoned the fine cotton shirt. Even now, it was perfectly pressed. The belt came off next, fine black leather with a golden buckle. Then, Weevil opened the black pants, letting them fall to the floor.

Logan never moved. He didn't give any sign that he was aware of what Weevil was doing. However, he bent his knee long enough for Weevil to take his shoe and sock off, and slip the pants off. He repeated the movement with the other leg, but everything was done with automatic lethargy.

"Come on." Weevil took his hand and led him to the bed. When they reached the edge, Logan froze. "You're not leaving, are you?"

Weevil kissed Logan's shoulder. "I'm not. Let me take my clothes off, and I'll join you in bed."

Logan turned toward his lover, a hint of something in his eyes, but passed too quickly for Weevil to understand it. "Take all your clothes off. I want you to fuck me tonight."

"I don't think-"

"I don't care what you think. I'm sick and tired of people telling me how I should feel, do you understand?" Logan stopped abruptly, watching Weevil standing in front of him, ignoring his outburst. Logan closed his eyes for a moment, and then started speaking again. "I need this, Weevil."

Weevil couldn't say he understood, sex at the moment felt disrespectful; it went against his cultural upbringing, but if it would help his lover, then he wouldn't say no. He squeezed Logan's hand. "Okay."

Logan slipped under the sheet, his eyes blank again. Weevil got rid of his clothes as quickly as he could. He took the time to rest the condom and the packet of lube on the nightstand before joining Logan in bed. Logan shifted and wiggled until Weevil was resting on top of him.

Weevil cupped Logan's face. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Stop talking, and fuck me," was the cold response.

Weevil stopped talking, but started kissing Logan, long, hard kisses that took their breath away, that made their eyes dazes with lack of oxygen and desire, kisses that made them forget about the world for a few minutes, that made them want more.

Logan reached blindly to find a pillow. Fluffy, expensive, filled with pure down and covered in expensive cotton, it was nothing more than a mean to an end. He pushed it under his ass with some difficulty, Weevil's body pressing against his as he squirmed to get the pillow under him.

Weevil almost asked again, trying to stop this, or at least slow it down, but Logan was in a frenzy, as if he needed this like a starved man needed food. Against his better judgment, he reached for the condom, and unrolled it over his cock. He went to get the lube, when Logan's fingers gripped around his wrist. "Logan!" he said in warning.

"Condom is lubed. It's enough for this," Logan said.

"It's gonna hurt." Weevil stared impassively at his lover, ignoring the urge to stop this, and take Logan in his arms. They were guys, a tough biker and a spoiled 09er, they didn't do sweet and loving.

"If I'm lucky," was Logan's answer, a sad smile on his face.

Weevil frowned confused. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Please, I'm…god, I can't feel anything. I need you inside me," Logan said in a whisper.

Weevil rested his forehead on Logan's. "I'm here." Their lips brushed against each other as he spoke, almost afraid to kiss Logan, afraid that he would stop talking now that he had started.

"Show me." Logan wrapped his legs around Weevil's waist, locking his ankles together. "Please."

Weevil wondered if Logan had ever used the word before, certainly not with him, probably not with anyone, but he couldn't resist answering 'Anything you want', and then he was pressing inside Logan's tense body.

He kept his eyes on Logan's face, watching the pain cross his lover's face, as he conquered inch after inch. A tear formed in the corner of Logan's eyes, shining against the light from the lamp.

"Should I stop?" But Logan squeezed his legs forcing Weevil forward. "All right, I get it," he murmured in Logan's ear, before kissing the tear away.

"Move," Logan commanded. He was good at that. He always sounded like he was entitled to everything, but this time, he sounded broken, needy, almost desperate.

Weevil didn't say anything. Instead he obeyed, knowing that each movement would hurt more, that the lube from the condom wasn't enough, not when Logan was so tense, and with each thrust, more tears formed and Logan's hold got tighter.

He maneuvered a hand between their bodies, and his fingers wrapped around Logan's cock. His hand slid faster, his rhythm increased, and so did the tears. Faster, harder, until grunts and sobs mixed together, and when Logan came, it broke the apathy, and he cried.

Weevil couldn't stand it anymore. Fuck, the macho bullshit; Logan had just lost his mother. He pulled out, got rid of the condom, rolled to his side, and just held his lover, tighter than he thought possible, tighter than he should want to. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispered over and over, until the sobs decreased and eventually died down.

"I'm sorry," were the first words out of Logan's mouth. Another first for Logan, Weevil assumed.

"Why are you sorry?"

"Tonight, me, this," he said, brushing his fingers against Weevil's half hard cock.

"'S okay, you can make it up to me in the morning, and the rest…I'm glad I could help."

"It hurts, Weevil. How do you do it?" Logan's voice was muffled against Weevil's chest, hoarse from crying. "How do you keep going?"

"You just do, Logan. One day at a time, relying on the people that love you, and then one day, you wake up and learn that it doesn't hurt so much." What a liar he was. He still missed his mother, but he wasn't about to tell Logan that, not right now.

Logan snorted. "People that love me? That's a new one. My sister is ready to leave again, and my father…She's dead because of him, of his affairs. He drove her to drink and pop pills, until she died. You were right; he should have died."

Weevil sighed. "Maybe I was, but it makes no difference. He's alive, and she died, but you still have people that love you. Kane cares about you, and I…I care about you as well."

Logan drew his head back and stared at Weevil for a moment. Then, he nodded. "I care about you, too."

"Good, but I might have to kill your bitchy girlfriend," Weevil said with a small smile.

Logan smiled for the first time in two days. "I'm going to help you." Then he got serious. "Are you going to stay the night?"

Weevil nodded. "Yeah, I told you. You have to make it up to me in the morning." He winked at Logan.

"If anyone finds out…"

Weevil tensed. "Don't worry I won't ruin your reputation."

"I was thinking of you. Actors can't afford to sound like they have prejudices. They will all pretend that it's okay because it's the liberal thing to do, but you…"

"Let me worry about that. Do something in your lazy life, and turn off the lamp."

"Ah, ah! I'll let you know that I can do plenty of things for myself." Logan scowled at Weevil, but the effect was ruined when he turned off the light, and snuggled against his lover. "Thank you for being here."

Weevil held him tighter in response. In the morning, they would probably regret some of the things they said tonight, but for now he stayed closer to his 'boyfriend' and gave him what comfort he could.
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Comments
kelex From: kelex Date: December 27th, 2004 10:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh man!!! *sniffle* My poor Logan! But this was perfect, utterly perfect! I think this part, right here, was my favorite:

"I have a house filled with people who didn't know or didn't like my mother having the time of their life, my father's ex fucks are all here, trying to see who will snatch him up first, my sister telling me that everything will work out for the best, a psychopathic bitch who thinks she's my girlfriend when the only thing I did was to give her a ride home, and a father who pretends that he gives a shit. Oh yes, to top it all, my fucking boyfriend hasn't shown up for two days." He finally looked at Weevil. "I don't know why, but I think that I'm losing my mind, because there is no way that all of this can be real."

For some reason, I just... I can hear that in my head, in Logan's voice, and combined with the picture of him sitting on the floor drinking in the dark, then saying that to Weevil of all people just... oh, man. *cuddles Logan*

This was an amazing story, thank you *so* much
titti From: titti Date: December 27th, 2004 10:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so happy that you enjoyed it. Logan needs a good cuddle and Weevil can do it in a very macho way. *g*
From: whipper Date: December 27th, 2004 10:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
"Move," Logan commanded. He was good at that. He always sounded like he was entitled to everything, but this time, he sounded broken, needy, almost desperate.

Oooooooohh... sooo good. Lets pretend I didn't get one either? ;)
titti From: titti Date: December 27th, 2004 10:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
I started writing the story before the replies on the other thread, and I read that you wanted hurt/comfort, and that's what gave me the idea for this story. So yeah, enjoy it. :)
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